Human Kindness - What is That Worth?

This past week was a challenge on so many fronts.  It felt like a barrage of strife was raining down on my head and on the heads of those around me.  The "funny" thing is that often, I will have had this feeling that HaShem is teaching me something just before I really REALLY need to have learned that lesson.  Sometimes I learn the lesson in time, other times I don't.  In this case, I don't think I quite hit the mark in time.  This is just one of innumerable reasons why I am thankful for a Creator who is patient in His teaching and who miraculously turns my blunders into blessings when I fail.

I don't think I will talk about the actual circumstances of this past week for several reasons.  Not the least of which is that there were others involved and I don't think they'd appreciate that.  I will just say that a situation came up which needed to be handled delicately and, for my part, I think I failed.  I think my actions ended up hurting people I love and, for the past few days, I have been analyzing what I could have done differently.

I've been making this mental list...making an assessment...stating the facts:   1. A situation arose and someone needed to be addressed by someone other than myself. 2. I went to a person who is wise and my elder and they also took on the burden.  3. I told no one else of the issue.
I believe my actions were correct, yet things did not really turn out well.

For the past several weeks, HaShem has put this thought in my mind and heart; Don't pick up burdens that do not belong to you.  Live a life of praise and follow the path of righteousness and TRUST that you are being led exactly where you need to go.

I think that's the thing that I didn't quite grasp and which would have made all the difference.  I allowed myself to be so disturbed that I didn't trust.  I might have done exactly what I was supposed to do, but I know I didn't give it to Elohim.  I was trying to work things out from the kindness of my own heart, but the truth is my heart is deceitful.  It lies to me all the time and listening to it, I become a fool.

So, looking back, I'm still not quite sure what actions, if any, I would have changed.  I only know that I should not have tried so hard to fix this on my own.  I should have been in prayer much more.  I should have remained silent when I wasn't full of love and when I knew my focus was askew.

Things are still not 100% better, but I pray that I have really learned what I was supposed to from all of this.  I want to be a gentler person.  I want to trust my Creator more every day and let Him teach me what kindness really is.  ...My human kindness is worth nothing at all.

Avinu, I pray that your will would be done and that we would forgive all sins as you forgive us.

Sleepers, Wake Up!!!

I admit it.  Today has been an awful day and tonight I am finally sitting in quiet isolation pushing down this blood that has been pressing against the walls of my veins and slowly rising to a boil since early morning.  In other words, I am ready to lose it.  I'm very near the edge of my tipping point and it is at such a juncture when I am generally torn between manic tears and a wild, yet brief, tantrum.
I choose to take this state as the motivation needed to write this with more passion than I might normally muster.

What I want to know is...where are the people who are AWAKE?  Where are the ones who see the world through an eternal big picture; who can see a vast plan rather than our ant hill lives?
Yesterday I was driving home and I passed several churches along the way.  Some were small, some were bigger.  Some had a more "old time religion" feel to them and some looked like they were trying to put the latest fashion on a 1950's mannequin.  Still, all of them had many similar features.  There's the sign out front that often quotes scripture, but just as often gives some kind of fortune cookie advice.  There's the stained glass, the steeple and the crosses prominently displayed.  Because, you see, we have this formula for how we are supposed to commune with our Creator.  We're supposed to meet on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. We're supposed to be part of a community group and be held accountable to each other, but not always necessarily to scriptural standards.  Because, in this formula, we can pick and choose which things are relevant to us.  We can say we have faith in the most outspoken radical ever to walk the earth, but not let it spill over into how we conduct ourselves.
Or can we?
The truth is that I am no one in this world and I am aware that the playing field of humanity is far more even than most of us imagine.  Yet I look around me, I listen to the news, I see the patterns of humanity and it is clear to me that most of us are asleep.  We've bought into the formula...this substitute milk that brings a false sense of organic nourishment.  We separate ourselves into boxes of Christianity, Buddhism, Judaism...even Atheism falls into this same mold where we require that G-d fit into our methodical idea of Him. We fear what we do not know, but what we know is so minuscule compared to the truth of this created universe.
From our frozen dinners to our regularly scheduled programs and our regularly scheduled spirituality, we have become accustomed to pre-packaged lives.
And in those churches...who's grassroots origin is that world changing radical...we're so often displaying metaphoric neon signs that flash "NO RADICAL THINKING ALLOWED!"
So, my point?  ....It is time for the sleepers to wake up!  It's time to tear down the walls and peel off all the plastic! Start asking the questions you've not allowed yourself to ask.  Start thinking about the things that have scared you yet have always seemed so appealing.  Breathe in new air and new ideas and don't be afraid of honesty.  Because the TRUTH is the TRUTH.  It isn't dependent upon what you think of it...it isn't conditional.  Truth just IS and it will not change so, if you want to find it, you must be willing to open your eyes.
No matter what we believe TRUTH will always set us free.   So, wake up, sleepers!