Saturday, September 23, 2017

GRACE IN THE VALLEY

I don't have so much to add to this song right now... it is the product of my experiences in the passing of our baby girl.  The song speaks for itself, really.  However, I will just say that our Creator is wonderful.  There is always grace in every valley and He will guide us faithfully if we only hold onto His hand.
Even from the day that Ruby went to be with Him, His mercy and goodness were evident in the blessings that He sent our way and the permanent changes He made in our lives and the lives of those who walked through everything with us.  The testimony of His goodness is invaluable.
When you walk through the valley, guard yourselves against the idols of doubt that will seek to enslave you with fear.  Keep your eyes on the Creator of the cloud and the fire and He will surround you with His Grace.  Nowhere have I found Him closer than in the valleys that seemed like they would engulf me.
"The Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear?"

PS.  Thanks Viv, for spurring the visual that makes up the chorus to this song.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B-ikC2bFcgLaVFdtc3FvSkd5RjA


Saturday, August 24, 2013

Human Kindness - What is That Worth?

This past week was a challenge on so many fronts.  It felt like a barrage of strife was raining down on my head and on the heads of those around me.  The "funny" thing is that often, I will have had this feeling that HaShem is teaching me something just before I really REALLY need to have learned that lesson.  Sometimes I learn the lesson in time, other times I don't.  In this case, I don't think I quite hit the mark in time.  This is just one of innumerable reasons why I am thankful for a Creator who is patient in His teaching and who miraculously turns my blunders into blessings when I fail.

I don't think I will talk about the actual circumstances of this past week for several reasons.  Not the least of which is that there were others involved and I don't think they'd appreciate that.  I will just say that a situation came up which needed to be handled delicately and, for my part, I think I failed.  I think my actions ended up hurting people I love and, for the past few days, I have been analyzing what I could have done differently.

I've been making this mental list...making an assessment...stating the facts:   1. A situation arose and someone needed to be addressed by someone other than myself. 2. I went to a person who is wise and my elder and they also took on the burden.  3. I told no one else of the issue.
I believe my actions were correct, yet things did not really turn out well.

For the past several weeks, HaShem has put this thought in my mind and heart; Don't pick up burdens that do not belong to you.  Live a life of praise and follow the path of righteousness and TRUST that you are being led exactly where you need to go.

I think that's the thing that I didn't quite grasp and which would have made all the difference.  I allowed myself to be so disturbed that I didn't trust.  I might have done exactly what I was supposed to do, but I know I didn't give it to Elohim.  I was trying to work things out from the kindness of my own heart, but the truth is my heart is deceitful.  It lies to me all the time and listening to it, I become a fool.

So, looking back, I'm still not quite sure what actions, if any, I would have changed.  I only know that I should not have tried so hard to fix this on my own.  I should have been in prayer much more.  I should have remained silent when I wasn't full of love and when I knew my focus was askew.

Things are still not 100% better, but I pray that I have really learned what I was supposed to from all of this.  I want to be a gentler person.  I want to trust my Creator more every day and let Him teach me what kindness really is.  ...My human kindness is worth nothing at all.

Avinu, I pray that your will would be done and that we would forgive all sins as you forgive us.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Sleepers, Wake Up!!!

I admit it.  Today has been an awful day and tonight I am finally sitting in quiet isolation pushing down this blood that has been pressing against the walls of my veins and slowly rising to a boil since early morning.  In other words, I am ready to lose it.  I'm very near the edge of my tipping point and it is at such a juncture when I am generally torn between manic tears and a wild, yet brief, tantrum.
I choose to take this state as the motivation needed to write this with more passion than I might normally muster.

What I want to know is...where are the people who are AWAKE?  Where are the ones who see the world through an eternal big picture; who can see a vast plan rather than our ant hill lives?
Yesterday I was driving home and I passed several churches along the way.  Some were small, some were bigger.  Some had a more "old time religion" feel to them and some looked like they were trying to put the latest fashion on a 1950's mannequin.  Still, all of them had many similar features.  There's the sign out front that often quotes scripture, but just as often gives some kind of fortune cookie advice.  There's the stained glass, the steeple and the crosses prominently displayed.  Because, you see, we have this formula for how we are supposed to commune with our Creator.  We're supposed to meet on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. We're supposed to be part of a community group and be held accountable to each other, but not always necessarily to scriptural standards.  Because, in this formula, we can pick and choose which things are relevant to us.  We can say we have faith in the most outspoken radical ever to walk the earth, but not let it spill over into how we conduct ourselves.
Or can we?
The truth is that I am no one in this world and I am aware that the playing field of humanity is far more even than most of us imagine.  Yet I look around me, I listen to the news, I see the patterns of humanity and it is clear to me that most of us are asleep.  We've bought into the formula...this substitute milk that brings a false sense of organic nourishment.  We separate ourselves into boxes of Christianity, Buddhism, Judaism...even Atheism falls into this same mold where we require that G-d fit into our methodical idea of Him. We fear what we do not know, but what we know is so minuscule compared to the truth of this created universe.
From our frozen dinners to our regularly scheduled programs and our regularly scheduled spirituality, we have become accustomed to pre-packaged lives.
And in those churches...who's grassroots origin is that world changing radical...we're so often displaying metaphoric neon signs that flash "NO RADICAL THINKING ALLOWED!"
So, my point?  ....It is time for the sleepers to wake up!  It's time to tear down the walls and peel off all the plastic! Start asking the questions you've not allowed yourself to ask.  Start thinking about the things that have scared you yet have always seemed so appealing.  Breathe in new air and new ideas and don't be afraid of honesty.  Because the TRUTH is the TRUTH.  It isn't dependent upon what you think of it...it isn't conditional.  Truth just IS and it will not change so, if you want to find it, you must be willing to open your eyes.
No matter what we believe TRUTH will always set us free.   So, wake up, sleepers!

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Dear Abby

This morning I was encouraged to know that someone is actually reading this blog. :) So encouraged, in fact, that I've been inspired to write a new post.  ...Something I've been thinking on for weeks, but have yet to write on this strange euphemism for paper called "the interwebs".
Today I write about a dear friend.  We have been in each other's lives since high school, though there was only a brief time when we actually saw each other regularly.  Our meeting was one of those times when you instantly have a connection deeper than the given time indicates you should have.  She was an immediate treasure to me then and, though we rarely see each other, she remains a treasure to me now.  Considering all the moving around I've done, it has been a rare thing for me to be able to hold onto friendships for very long.  I count it as something quite special when I can say to a friend "remember when..."
Now, I have to explain that it's kind of a strange thing that she and I should have such a strong connection because our backgrounds are so different.  She grew up in, basically, one house with both parents.  She didn't have to change schools much.  When we were young, it seemed to me that she had things so easy.  I didn't begrudge her for this, but I admit feeling a little jilted that things seemed so much harder for me.  And, in fact, I also have to admit that I used to wonder at how sweet and down to earth she is because I guess I hadn't met many down to earth people who seemed always to have had a breezy life.
I, on the other hand, came from a single parent home, moved constantly, was always quite poor and went to numerous schools.  I don't think much about these differences now and I no longer feel at all jilted, but they're important to point out for the purpose of this story.
My friend started dating her, now, husband when they were in college and they married and have now had three children.  Years ago, this also, was something that I envied.  While she seemed to have this perfect life, I also married and it was not perfect and ended in divorce.  (I'm getting to the point of all this "woe is me", I promise.)
So, now we get to the meat of it... I had been away for 7 years and had not been in much contact with my friend during that time.  But then I moved back to Kentucky after separating from my husband and, when I was at the lowest point of my entire life, my friend was there for me.  It was a bit of a rough and tumble road, but she was there and tried earnestly to help me in whatever way she could.  This included some financial help on more than one occasion and, at the time, I had this thought... All those years I had loved her and yet been a bit envious of all that she had, yet now, when I am at the end of my rope, she is here and, partly due to the things she has, she is able to help me in ways that others can't.  If she had not lived the kind of life she had been given, she may not have been able to help me when I needed it.  I thanked G-d for His provision to her, for giving her exactly the life she was supposed to have and for putting her in my life.  Realizing that things were as they should be, the jealousy was gone.
That was a few years ago... Now, just a few weeks ago, my friend came to a concert of mine.  I was so thrilled that she was there and I was so happy to share the story of my journey with her and everyone else.  G-d has truly changed me in so many ways over these past few years that I now look back and hardly recognize the person I used to be.  I am so thankful.  After the concert, my friend sent me several text messages saying how my music was blessing her.  In fact, for a few days afterward, she shared with me how she had had a very difficult year and there were some things happening in her life that were so hard.  She would tell me these things and quote my own song lyrics saying that these were the words that were encouraging her and getting her through the day.  I have been so blessed to bless her and I realized that, without all the difficult things that I have been through, I would not have this story to share.  I would not have these songs to sing, and I might not be able to encourage my friend with exactly what she needs.  So, once again, I am thanking G-d for giving each of us exactly the life that we are supposed to have.  I thank Him for the blessings and I thank Him for the times when each of us has felt like we couldn't make it one more day.  I thank Him for being the kind of G-d who makes EVERYTHING beautiful in His time.  And I thank Him for my dear friend.
I guess the main thing I want to take from this story is that G-d really does know the plans He has for us and they really are for our good.  No matter what is happening in our lives, whether good or bad, He can take it and turn it into something beautiful for His glory and to our delight. Nothing is a coincidence so...walk your path and don't wish for anyone else's because this one was made especially for you!

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Bakin' Bread

Hello everyone!
For about a month now, I have been baking Challah (braided Shabbat bread) for Shabbat and I'm loving this new ritual SO much that I think I ought to post about it.
The first week that I baked Challah, I did enjoy it, but felt a little frazzled as I didn't really feel like I knew what I was doing.  I was rushed and a tad nervous that it wouldn't turn out right.  Also, there is a point in the kneading process during which my hands are absolutely caked in very sticky bread dough and I cannot escape or do anything else but keep kneading.  I wasn't expecting that to happen and I am claustrophobic so, having my hands absolutely stuck made me feel a bit anxious.  Still, my first attempt at Challah turned out fairly good.
The second week I was much more prepared for the experience.  I found that I could enjoy it a bit more, but still was a tad apprehensive.
By week three I was completely calm and I was able to let myself dive into the process with pleasure.  There is something so soothing about the feeling of mixing dry flour, sugar and salt.  The flour is cool and so soft.... Five pounds of flour in a large bowl has suddenly come to be a balm for a week's worth of stress.  Then, adding the liquid ingredients, the flour begins to adhere to my hands and, this too, has become therapeutic.  Perhaps it is partly due to the fact that I am claustrophobic that this affects me in such a profound way.  My hands become nearly immobile and absolutely incapable of doing anything else but completing the task of kneading the dough.  I've begun to let myself feel this experience with my entire being.
Two weeks ago, I was with a good friend who told me that the making of Challah is used as a quiet time of prayer because, as I've mentioned, there is nothing that can be done but to knead the dough.  It's impossible to be distracted from this moment because one cannot break away until it is finished.  You knead and mix and then add the oil and it starts to come away from your hands until you are left with this beautiful lump of dough that takes a lot more effort than one might think.
This past week, as I began this baking process again, I used the time to pray for my friends and family.  I listened to music of praise to Adonai and I quieted my spirit to commune with Him.
It's such a simple thing...making loaves of bread...but it has come to be such a blessing to me and I love to give a beautiful loaf of braided bread away to others.  It blesses them and I know that these loaves of bread were made with love, prayer and meditation. It's a pleasure to bless others with things that have blessed me. I think I will be keep up this ritual for a very long time to come. I'm so thankful to Adonai for His Shabbat and EVERYTHING that goes along with it.  What a beautiful way to show our love for Him and His love to us.
And, speaking of bakin' bread...here's the song Breakin' Bread which has entered my mind every Shabbat for at least a decade now. Breakin' bread with my mama, breakin' bread with my papa, breakin' bread!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=XCTSS38UM_A

Friday, August 24, 2012

A La Mode (In the Fashion)

Hello everyone!
I've got something of a rant here which will lead me into the next post regarding security/identity.  For tonight, however, ranting is the name of the game....kind of. 
First off, if you've known me for any length of time, you'll know I'm odd.  I have a view of the world that is rather unique and I rarely color inside the lines.  My music depicts this, my words depict this, my thoughts depict this and my clothes also depict this.  The latter is today's source of contention.
During the past week I have been practically bullied because of wearing the "wrong" things and I just think it's pretty ridiculous.  I am not indecent; only different and I find it crazy that I, a 30 year old woman, have managed to be the focal point for a kind of "teasing" that most often happens in middle school.
I don't want to devote much time to this topic as it really isn't worth it, but I have these things to say:
        1.  The fact that fashion should be SUCH a big deal that it gives anybody the "right" to put someone else down is something that, I think, displays the sickness of our society.  That this thing should be so important that we are all under scrutiny about it tells me that we have a serious malfunction in our list of priorities.
        2.  Truthfully, I have been thinking about what I wear lately and have added different types of things to my wardrobe because I find that I am in certain situations where my normal attire may offend a particular culture/community.  I will wear a skirt instead of pants so as not to offend, but I refuse to change because converse with a skirt is a faux pas.
        3.  I am aware that there are people in the world who's passion it is to design clothing.  That's great...it's artistic and sounds like it could be fun.  I have no issues with such a profession.  I DO have a big issue with the label "fashion designer" being synonymous with the term "dictator".
        4.  I am so bored with this post and with this topic and with this ridiculous issue.  I really don't care what people around me are wearing and my own clothes are mainly utilitarian.  I do have my likes and dislikes and I am actually quite picky, but my tastes are simple and likely to remain so.  Can we just drop it already??
        5.  "Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy" - Albert Einstein

The end...moving right along....


Thursday, August 16, 2012

Come Let Us Return

I joined a fast that my big brother started on FB.  LOADS of people were invited to join in and lots of people did! During the fast I've had this Kevin Prosch song in my head.  I love this song and I felt like singing. :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpfrPpkKXb4&feature=youtu.be